M*A*S*H

When I was in high school, my father asked me if I would go to a movie with him. Dad was our hero, and anytime he asked one of his daughters to go somewhere with him, we jumped at the chance.

In this particular case, a new movie called M*A*S*H had just been released, and, as the oldest of three sisters, he asked me to see it with him. The original movie focused on a Mobile Army Surgical Unit in the Korean War, but the movie was far more adult (most likely rated ‘R’) than the TV series.

Now that I’m no longer working, I’ve been tuning into the TV re-runs every chance I get, often jumping up during commercials to get dinner ready.

But back to Alan Alda.

I went to the library one day looking for a book I could easily read. (I continue to have difficulty reading — and remembering — books these days.)

So you could imagine how thrilled I was when I opened Alda’s book and noticed the chapters were relatively short and the content extremely engaging. I stayed up several nights reading his essays. I learned a lot about his award-winning professional acting career on stage and television. He also talked about his love of science and his devotion to family and friends.

What struck me most about the book, however, was the inspiration of his words and deeds, from serious to thoughtful amusement.

Here’s an example from page 200: As it says on a plaque a friend gave me, “What if the hokey-pokey is really what it’s all about?”

He went on to say that instead of driving yourself crazy, he’d be in favor of doing something simple:

• Find someone to laugh with.
• Find something to laugh at (yourself is always good).
• Keep moving.

He then talked about the real sense of meaning, which he described as simply experiencing life; living in the present moment; and, just noticing he was alive.

Although he’s best known for TV series, Alda was an accomplished stage actor who won numerous awards, including six Emmys, six Golden Globes and a nomination for an Academy Award. He also won more than 20 awards for the TV series. In addition, he’s been a socially conscious writer, director and performer.

We should all remember, however, that Alan Alda is not Hawkeye Pierce. He is a real family man, and my bet is that he measures his greatest accomplishments – and greatest roles in life – as a loving husband, father and grandfather.

He is a special – and inspirational – person who truly has lived life to the fullest.

Now you must excuse me. It’s time to tune into another M*A*S*H reruns.

Note to Readers: This book has so many inspiring messages, prepare to see several blogs over time featuring Alan Alda’s insights.

 

Credits: Alan Alda, “Things I Overheard While Talking to Myself”

Copyright permission: Random House, New York, NY

My Wonderful Husband

Obviously there are thousands of wonderful husbands, but it’s been way overdue for me to brag about mine.

Gregory Brian Mercer is one of the kindest, patient, creative and thoughtful person I’ve ever met. And I consider myself the luckiest woman in the world to have him. (Those of you who know him well will agree. )                                                                                                                                                 

I met him in an old movie-style combination of a helpless female needing the aid of a Southern gentleman.

Here’s the story:  I graduated from high school on Long Island in 1977.  I wanted to be a journalist, and UNC-Chapel Hill had one of the best J-schools around, so right after graduation I headed South.

Needless to say, it was a bit of a culture shock to go from the cold North, where everyone had thick New York accents — as well as the requisite ice skates, sleds, warm coats and mittens. I assumed the biggest difference would be the weather – and I did enjoy the comfortably warm seasons most of the year.

 But the biggest surprise was how kind and friendly the people were. As I walked across campus, students I didn’t even know actually looked me in the eyes and said ‘Hi” – or, more likely, “Hey.” (If I walked down a northern city street and saw someone coming towards me, my automatic reaction (and theirs’) would have been to turn my head slightly the other way.)

I’ve focused on the cultural differences, but Southern Style – and, more importantly, “Southern Speak” was the key to meeting the love of my life.   Greg and I had dorm rooms on the same floor. He was a junior; I was a freshman. We saw each other in the TV lounge and occasionally around the dorm, but didn’t know each other well.

But all that changed when I sprained my ankle.

I was on the ground floor of the dorm standing by the mailboxes, holding my crutches. I was delighted to get mail, but when I opened the box I was a bit upset. It wasn’t a letter, but a notice that I had a package at the Post Office downtown. I couldn’t help myself from saying out loud: “Oh no!”

Greg happened to be walking by and asked what was wrong. I told him about my ankle and the fact it would be difficult to get to Franklin Street.

No matter, he said, he would carry me.

“Carry me?” I said. “You mean you’re going to “CARRY ME?” I thought to myself that Southerners really ARE gallant.

I was surprised, however, when he led me out through the back door, which would take much longer to walk all the way around the dorm to get downtown. But I followed him, and he put me and my crutches in his car.

After an insightful lesson on Northern vs. Southern speak, I realized ‘carry’ meant to “drive.” And I later learned that ‘Barbeque’ didn’t mean grilling hamburgers, among other many Southernisms. (If you’re wondering, yes, I’ve been saying ya’ll for years now.)

Despite our cultural differences, we fell in love and married in 1982. We’ve reared two wonderful children – Sarah, 24, and Cortland, 21.

My parents died young, so our family spent a lot of time in ‘Pop City’ – a special place in Eastern North Carolina where Greg’s family lived for generations, surrounded by giant pine trees and lush farmland. I adopted his parents as my own – and they loved me as much as they did their own offspring.

As to Greg’s thoughtfulness, creativity and generosity, I don’t know where to begin, but here are some examples:

• For Christmas and birthday presents, he rarely gives tons of boxed gifts, although the gifts he picks out are always perfect. More often than not, he finds a special vacation get-a-way as a present, and looks for a way to enjoy the time together as a couple or the whole family.
• He came up with the idea of celebrating our 27^th anniversary, inviting friends over to play a trivia game about events in 1982, the year we married. For instance, the Falklands War took place that year, and the person who answered correctly got a bag of green Army men.
• Along with close friends, we hosted a wonderful wine party this fall. Not everyone knew each other, so Greg prepared name tags. The stickers had formal names, but, in addition, Greg added ‘wine nicknames’ for each person. For instance, my nametag was “Chardonnay: Sleek and Nutty with an emphasis on Nutty” (Ha Ha), and a friend’s was “Australian Shriaz: Quietly Sophisticated.”

Needless to say, I count myself the luckiest woman in the world to have Greg. I’ve loved him since college and will the rest of my life. He’s been as kind and patient as possible since my diagnosis (although I know I frustrate him at times.) In fact, he has been asked to join the local Alzheimer’s Association and is giving it serious consideration.

Needless to say, along with my children and sisters, Greg is the greatest reason I am truly able to “Live Life to the Fullest.” And that, along with my family’s love – and close friendships — is really all I need.

Youngsters Make the World Merrier

My husband Greg and I thoroughly enjoyed having young children.  Things were hectic — toys and books scattered everywhere. Food spilling on the floor. Fussing about being strapped into car seats. Wet beds. Skinned knees. And, tracking mud on the carpet when they came through the front door.

But they were also some of the best years of our lives.

Today our ‘children’ are 21 and 24. And while we miss the joys of kids in the house, we are fortunate to have two ‘adopted’ girls living next door.

 Just the other day, I was sitting on the porch when I heard the sing-song-sounds of “Mother-May-I.” Hannah and Haley have a swing set and a basketball goal in the backyard. And they’re sure to get wonderful presents this holiday season – and hopefully a bit of snow.

 We have the kind of relationship with our neighbors that allows us to run over to borrow some basil (or, more likely, a bottle of wine.) They take care of our mail and papers when we’re out of town, and we have keys to each others’ homes.

 When we moved to our current house, our son and daughter were two and five. One of my favorite memories was when it snowed one day, and Cortland and his friends threw snow balls off the back deck.

 Overall, our neighborhood is growing older, but we are beginning to see more young couples moving in, several with children.

 We are fortunate to have Hannah and Haley as neighbors – although it is astonishing to see how they are growing up before our eyes. Hannah is 13 and in middle school; Haley is 10 and in elementary school. As I write this sentence, I can’t help but remember back to a neighborhood Christmas party when Hannah was three and Haley a newborn, rocking back and forth in her mother’s arms.

 Of course it is God’s plan that children grow up and eventually leave home. Ours have grown into responsible, loving and supportive young adults and we’re very proud of each of them. (My mother-in-law once told me, however, that no matter how old your children are, parents worry about their children their whole life long.)

Children are special – and what better time of year to celebrate youth knowing that Santa Clause is coming to town.  So whether you’re young or young at heart, I hope you all have a have a VERY, MERRY HOLIDAY SEASON and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Quick Update

In case you haven’t seen it, today the Charlotte Observer printed a beautifully written article on early-onset Alzheimers and how it’s affected our family.  The reason I agreed to it is to help raise awareness and funding.

If you’re interested, the link to the story is:

http://www.charlotteobserver.com/464/story/1091019.html/

All the best – and I hope all of you Live Life to the Fullest!!

Laura

Elephants Never Forget

                                                ”AKA – You Go Girls!”

It’s true.

Scientists have backed the old adage, saying it’s particularly true in the case of matriarchs, who lead the herd. A study of wild African elephants revealed that dominant females build up a social memory as they get older, allowing them to recognize ‘friendly faces.’

According to the journal Science, the females’ role is to signal others about whether an outsider is either a friend or enemy. This allows family members to focus on feeding and breeding without danger.

Males, on the other hand, leave family units early and remain single or in small bachelor groups.

Whether male or female, more often than not elephants travel long distances to search for food – and the most typical groups of elephants consist of a matriarch grandmother, her daughters and granddaughters. In fact, the older matriarchs are better at picking out ‘strangers,’ which allows the herd to spend more time breeding and relaxing. And, anything that removes the grandmother from the family – such as poaching – would have a significant effect on reproduction.

Finally, whether male or female, elephants have a high friendship level with humans, and also develop long-term relationships with others. In fact, they remember humans and their own species even when separated for decades.

I’m particularly excited about the finding that elephant memory is fact, not fiction.

That’s because a friend recently gave me a beautiful jeweled elephant – about two inches high and 1 ½ includes long. When you pull up the trunk there’s a little round space where you can store rings and other small items.

I don’t use it for that, however. If elephants have so much memory, I’m going to leave my elephant closed as much as possible so I can savor and grow the ‘memory bank’ each day.   

So, if you’re having trouble remembering things, take a trip to a zoo – or, even better – buy an elephant as a family pet. 

NOTE:

Twenty years after an international treaty banning the trade of ivory, ivory smuggling still is alive and well in Africa. This has led to huge slaughters of these wonderful, ‘brainy’ animals, as well as leaving elephants to face extinction in the wild because of habitat loss and poaching. If you’re interested in learning more, go to: http://www.ehow.com/how_2073581_save-endangered-african-elephants.html

The Beach

“Walk barefoot along the beach, hear waves crashing on the shore, sink your toes in the warm sand…watch beautiful sunsets and be captivated by life.”

– T-shirt from the Island Market

 

The week of Labor Day weekend, we went to Sunset Beach with some close friends.

In addition to going out to eat fresh fish, we usually stock up with food from a local grocery store.  But after several days, we realized we didn’t have anything left for lunch.  So my friend Jennie and I rode half a mile to the Island Market, a pleasant little store on the main road into the beach, just a stone’s throw from the pier.

The market is part grocery store, part beachwear, part wine shop and part drug store. They also have a wonderful take-out deli. (And, I’ll add, once when I put quarters in the newspaper box and the machine ate all the coins, the cashier at the market loaned me the money to use in a different box.)

Meanwhile, as we were waiting for our sandwiches, Jennie noticed a blue T-shirt with the words “Love Life” on the front. Given my positive approach to life, she pointed it out and I bought it immediately. It wasn’t until later that I noticed there were words on the back – including those in the quote above.

 We began our love of the beach when our children were small. We didn’t have much money, so we and some dear friends – whose children were the same ages as ours – split the rent on a house at Topsail Beach. We barely had enough money for the shared rent, so we declined the option of hiring a maid. Instead, Cynthia and I furiously scrubbed the sinks, bathrooms and the rest of the rental house before check out. (We were afraid we would get fined if it wasn’t 100% spic and span.) But it was all worth it, knowing we had such a delightful time watching our kids make sandcastles, find shells and play in the surf.

Today, at 24 and 21, our children ride the waves instead of making sandcastles, but they still love the beach.

Thanks to an inheritance from my grandmother, we are fortunate to own a share of a beach house at Sunset Beach, south of Ocean Isle and north of Myrtle Beach. We can use the house up to 10 weeks year round, but given our busy schedules, many of those weeks go un-used.

 I, for one, enjoy the off-seasons just as much as – if not more than – the summer months. We love taking walks down the beach, riding bicycles around the island, and, when in season, hopefully get a chance to witness sea turtles hatching at night.

 We often buy fresh fish from the local market and cook at home, but we also love finding other great restaurants. Two of our favorites are the Sugar Shack – a Jamaican-style restaurant – and Big Nell’s, one of those breakfast and lunch joints where the waitresses remember you season after season, year after year.

We occasionally visit Price’s Seafood in Calabash, where the fried seafood is good but the huge tree in front is the real attraction. Generations of children – including ours – have climbed its wide limbs, parents watching every minute. One evening a woman told us she missed not seeing her son in the tree; It turns out he was now 50.

 While we love the water, as well as walking or riding bikes on the beach, our favorite place is the open porch facing the ocean. We relax on rocking chairs, watch the waves, read, do puzzles, and drink coffee or wine.

Since we share the beach house with others, we always put a few personal things out to make the place feel more like home. For instance, we display a photo of our children taken the first time we went to Sunset. We also put out a blue bottle on the living room coffee table and hang a windsock decorated with appliqué baseball bats on the rusted hook on the porch. (In case you don’t know, my husband is a baseball fanatic; the windsock was a Christmas gift one year.)

 To me, the beach is life. The sand. The waves. The relaxation. The shrimp boats out at sea. And, of course, the sunset.

What better way to ‘Live Life to its Fullest?”

 

 If you’d like to see some fabulous photos of Sunset Beach, please go to: http://www.flickr.com/photos/teppes and click on the box on the upper right-hand side.

Health and Happiness Update

 I wanted to send this brief update because so much has been happening in my life lately – especially on the Alzheimer’s front.          

As you may recall, I met with the regional chapter of the Alzheimer’s Association earlier this fall, and they asked if I would be willing to help by giving speeches and doing other outreach.

I felt very comfortable with that, especially since I was a partner in a PR firm for many years and had numerous occasions to communicate to a variety of audiences.

As it turns out, just a few days after our first meeting, the Alzheimer’s Association called to ask if I would join in them in a presentation to a donations committee of Wells Fargo/Wachovia employees. My role was to tell my story about my Alzheimer’s, my positive attitude, and how I am doing now.

Meanwhile, a well-respected PR professional contacted the Association and offered to arrange a program about the illness on the morning NPR show.

And that led to something even more significant.

A reporter from the Charlotte Observer heard part of the program and asked if I would be willing to be interviewed for a series of articles about my life with early-onset Alzheimer’s. Of course I agreed. Anything to raise awareness – and funding – will help us get closer to new medical breakthroughs; perhaps even a cure in our lifetime.

Finally, there will be a candlelight vigil for the Alzheimer’s cause on Nov. 5 at First Presbyterian Church in uptown Charlotte. I hope some of you can attend!

In addition to being involved with these events, I’m still working hard to exercise my body and brain. I am noticing more memory loss, but am still active and enjoying life.* Last but not least, I want to tell everyone how grateful I am to my good friends in water aerobics, who, for the last quarter of the year plan to donate money to Alzheimer’s in lieu of birthday gifts. And, the group is considering choosing other charities next year.

Whether $1 or $20, giving to others can make a tremendous difference in the lives of the others, giving them a chance, too, to live life to the fullest.  

*Of course if you know me well, you know there is one thing I DON’T enjoy about life: Dusting!!!

 

A Dose of Inspiration Makes Every Day Special

     Everyone who reads my blog knows I focus on “Living Life to its Fullest.”  And, almost everyone who receives the blog has been able to ride out this recession relatively well.

      But all of us could use a pick-me-up, so please take time to absorb some of the following words of inspiration, hope and encouragement. I’ll start with the quote I used in my very first blog, “A Beautiful Day”:

“Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything, that lets the light get in.” – Leonard Cohen

     Another one of my favorites comes from Alcoholics Anonymous. Even if you don’t fall in that category, the ‘Serenity Prayer’ is meaningful for all of us: 

“God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference.”

    Here are some others, some of which are anonymous:

 “No matter what situations life throws at you…No matter how long and how treacherous your journey may seem…Remember there is a light at the end of the tunnel.”

 “Never give up. No matter what is going on. Never give up. Develop the heart. Be compassionate. Not just to your friends, but everyone. Work for peace, and I say again, Never give up.” – excerpt from Tenzin Gyatso 

 “A happy heart makes the face cheerful.” – Proverbs 15:13

 “If I could, I’d comb the sky and collect the stars, quickly pile them into a basket until it overflowed with silvery light. And then I’d give the basket to you, because all things precious and beautiful should be yours today.”

“Life isn’t what you want it to be, it’s what you make it become.” – Anthony Ryan

 “It really is the little things that mean the most of all. The “let me help you with that” and the “I’ll be glad to do it” things…make your cares much lighter, The “laugh with me, it’s funny” things…make your outlook brighter”  – Mary Dawson Hughes

“There is no such thing in anyone’s life 
as an unimportant day.” – Alexander Woollcott

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending” – Maria Robinson

“Don’t count the days, make the days count.” – Muhammad Ali

“Do not go where the path might lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as everything is a miracle.” – Albert Einstein

“Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep,
Keep me safe all through the night,
And wake me in the morning light.” – Childhood prayer

“Just one song can spark a moment. One tree can start a forest. One bird can herald spring. One smile begins a friendship. One handclasp lifts a soul. One sunbeam lights a room. One candle wipes out darkness. One laugh will conquer gloom. One step must start each journey. One word must start each prayer. One hope will raise our spirits, and one touch can show you care.” – Unknown

“Today is the first day of the rest of my life.” – Cortland Anderson (my father)

 Please feel free to put your favorite inspirational quotes  in the comments section below!

The Joy of Reading

   “Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body” – Joseph Addison

  It was a lazy Saturday afternoon and I looked up from the sofa in our den at the bookshelves. I was curious – just how many books do we have in the entire house?

     The answer was 545…in seven different rooms. (Oops! Just found another. The count is now 546.)

     They include Bibles, baseball books, paperbacks and old hard-covers, as well as children’s books that have lasted generations. (OK, Alice in Wonderland has lasted for generations; The Turkey that Ate My Father does not qualify.)

     Other authors on the shelves include J.D. Salinger, Frank McCourt, Bernard Malamud, Mark Twain, Nora Ephron, P.D. James, Sinclair Lewis, Robert Parker, Alexander McCall Smith, Philip Roth, Harper Lee, Charles Shultz, Dr. Seuss and Woodward & Bernstein.

     I have always loved to read, and I have my first-grade teacher Mrs. Hazel – and my parents – to thank.

     I was born in southern Florida when there were no public kindergartens, so the first time I entered school I was six and in first grade. The first word we learned was “clock.” The letters C-L-O-C-K were placed right under…guess what? Two points for everyone who guessed a certain round object that tells time.

     When I got home I was so excited, I went into my sister Sharon’s room and stood over her crib. I taught her to say ‘clock’ and spelled it for her. Family lore has it that later on Sharon talked so much everyone wished I’d never been her tutor. (Just kidding, Sharon.) But my parents also read to us on a regular basis, and that, I’m sure, is the reason all of us love reading.

     I can’t read as much as I have in the past – particularly if the book is long, long-winded or complicated, because I often forget what happened in the chapter before. But I try to overcome that obstacle by reading fun detective stories and those which are fun and engaging. A dear friend recently sent me a book of short stories, which was a real hit. Others have recommended audio books, but to me, it doesn’t seem real unless you actually turn the pages and look at the written word.

     The good news is, I not only love books, but reading is a great workout for the brain – for everyone. Reading is a lot like mental exercise, with the added benefit that it’s also enjoyable. Other benefits of reading include:

• Using your imagination.
• Learning new things.
• Gaining different perspectives.
• Expanding your vocabulary.
• And, if you want, improving your own writing skills.
• Finally, in my case, I believe my love of reading led to my love of writing, which led me into careers in journalism and public relations.

     I was an avid reader as a child, but I often worry whether children spend enough time reading at home these days, or having parents, siblings or friends available to read to them. Many families don’t have time or resources for regular reading, and often classrooms are so full there’s little time for individual attention.

      The good news is there are many efforts to help. The local YMCA, for instance, sponsors a reading program, and the president of my husband’s company has encouraged his team to read to needy students. Finally, our local library system has strong literacy programs – and they’re all free.

     If you have the time, read to a child. You won’t regret it. And it could change their lives – and yours – forever.

Health and Happiness Update

     As you know, the goal for my blog – and my everyday activities – is to inspire me and others to “Live Life to the Fullest.”

     My first journal was ‘A Beautiful Day’.  It was that day that made me decide to celebrate life rather than mourn my diagnosis of Alzheimer’s.  It also prompted me to write a serious of articles that focus on life and living with a positive attitude.

     I plan to continue to write the traditional articles that hopefully inspire others (and help me use my brain!), but also would like to include other beautiful thoughts, moments, joys and more from time to time. I also thought readers might appreciate occasional updates on how I’m doing, recent family activities, updates from doctors’ visits, etc.

     So, here’s a quick summary:

     Overall, I am doing very well and feel good. I do especially well when I’m home, when I am with friends and family, and when I’ve had the chance to take my daily nap.

     I won’t kid you, however. There are times I feel frustrated, like when I put something away and can’t remember — even minutes later — where it went. Or, when I had a great idea and then lost it.

     The other challenge is that I tend to take on too much or I find myself in a state of confusion. For instance, I recently got lost coming home from my doctor’s office. I was so stressed I didn’t even think to call Greg and have him come get me. I finally made it home myself, but that night and the next I literally did not sleep a wink. 

     On the upside, I have lots of friends – and family members – who help and support me. I also exercise regularly (the most important thing you can do to keep the brain healthy because it generates significant blood circulation.) I also try to keep active — planning lunch dates, shopping and trying new things, like making bead necklaces and other crafts.

     Greg and I also have kept busy this spring and summer, planning a 27^th anniversary party, going to the beach and, just recently, a trip to the mountains. Another special activity was a reunion of my sisters and cousins to celebrate my 50^th birthday.

       On the health front, I recently saw my doctor at Duke, and heard the good news that I do not have the gene that causes Alzheimer’s. That doesn’t mean I don’t have Alzheimer’s, but it does ensure that our children won’t inherit it.

       I also read an inspirational story on the local Alzheimer’s Association e-newsletter, and made contact with the staff there. They also recognize the importance of a positive approach – especially for early-onset patients - and they have asked me to make speeches to various groups as appropriate.

      Most importantly, I continue to do everything possible to focus on the positive and do everything possible to stay healthy. My sister, who is a statistician, did some research and said that having a positive attitude doesn’t make you live longer, but it definitely makes a difference in quality of life.

                And that’s what makes ‘Living Life to the Fullest’ possible for everyone.